anguschurch

Born an only child to very loving parents.  We didn't really attend church much, but I knew who God was and believed in him.  Around the age of four I began to be sexually abused by a family member.  This would continue until I was around 11 years old.  The abuse skewed my belief system concerning sex and what it was for.

After being introduced to pornography, it soon became my "escape" from reality.  This continued all through Jr. High, High School, and College.  In a desperate attempt to "switch" addictions, I would try pretty much any drug out there.

I married Cindy in 1992 and accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior that same year.  I no longer had the desire to party, smoke, or drink.  All of my previous vices stopped......except for one.  I could not get control of my sexual addiction.  I continued on my own strength thinking I could stop. 

Five years later, in 1997, after finding a bill for a phone call I'd made, I had to come clean and tell Cindy the truth.  I had had this problem for as long as I could remember and I didn't know what to do.  I talked to a pastor, he gave me a book and sent me on my way.  One year later I became too close to a female co-worker and ended up having an affair.  Even when she went to work for another company and moved to California, we talked on the phone on and off until early 2002.

Later that year God was impressing on me to make a change.  During that time I fasted for 40 days and God broke me.  Part of that included telling Cindy about the other woman and the kind of man that I had really been.  I did and it broke her heart.  There were times I didn't think we were going to make it.  By the grace of God, we began seeing our church counselor, Gloria.  What a tremendous blessing!  We had found someone who might be able to help us.

But then came Celebrate Recovery.  Cindy and I were trained as leaders, went through the twelve steps, and I am now starting my fourth year of recovery.  Each time I go through the program, God teaches me something new about myself that he wants to change for the better.   My perspective and priorities in life have changed so much.  I have a more realistic knowledge of who God is.  I understand that I am powerless to control my own tendencies to do the wrong thing.  I've learned that things that happen to us do matter.  Whether it happened when we were a child, teenager, or adult, traumatic events don't simply go away.  We shove them down deep and what comes of that is dysfunction, addictions, etc.

CR taught me to dig through all of the chains and baggage I was carrying and then taught me what to do with it.   I thank God for sending His son do die so that I may live.  I thank CR for equipping me with tools to live the way God wants.

:: CINDY C. ::

I joined Celebrate Recovery to help other women who were hurting and were in my same situation. I am married to an addict, and I have experienced a lot of anger, pain, depression, and despair. What I didn’t realize was that God meant for me to join Celebrate Recovery to find my own healing.

I found out while working through the twelve steps that I was focusing all my energy on fixing my husband, fixing my children, or fixing hurting people around me, and meanwhile, I was falling apart. I was doing things for people that were really not my responsibility, thinking I was “helping them”. I was trying to control everything around me, and celebrate recovery showed me that, actually, I don’t have control of anything but fixing ME!

When the program began, I was deep in depression and felt like giving up on everything. My family was suffering, my children wondered what had happened to their mother, and my marriage was hurting. Through a wonderful sponsor, caring accountability partners, and a loving support group of ladies, I began to shift my focus off of all the problems around me, and I put my focus on my relationship with Jesus and working on myself.

The 12 steps have helped me to look at childhood hurts, as well as recent painful events. I have learned to process these events, and to forgive. I feel like I have been set free! I thank God for our church and for a safe place to talk about my pain. I feel like I have my life back.

I believe that God gave me a gift to show me how I’ve changed this year by having my daughter write me a poem. This was an unexpected gift that I will forever treasure:

Mother’s Love
Mother’s love is like a flower
Blooming in April’s sweet spring showers
Their love pours down like love could never do
Bringing sweetness to their families like me and you!
Their love is ever lasting-I think you should know,
Even if you are horrid, they still love you so.
Whether the evening sun goes down,
Or the in the morning sunrise,
They love their kids forever,
No matter what size!